I am the wife of a wonderful husband and the mother of 4 beautiful children here on earth and a sweet little angel in Heaven. Our lives haven't been easy, but I am so thankful for all of my many life experiences. They have helped me to learn, grow and become the person I am today!
It has been 2 weeks today since our little angel returned home. I feel like I have handled it better than I ever thought I would. I've had more good days than bad. I am still very anxious to return to work and be around people. I know that sounds weird, but I am afraid of loosing my composure in front of them. I have always been able to keep it together during difficult times and I have not been able to control any part of this, so it has been really hard. Juan has been such a huge support for me through all this. I love him more now than I ever have. Unfortunately, he has had to work out of town the last couple of weeks and that has taken it's toll on me. It is so hard being alone. It's when I am laying in bed at night that I am hit with all the unwanted emotions. It isn't fair! Why me? God can't really think that I am strong enough to do this. Everyone tries to tell me it will become easier with time, but thats not what I want to hear. I want to be told that this was all a bad dream and everything is ok. I want to feel my baby kicking inside me again. I want my family to be whole again. I only had him with me for such a short amount of time, yet I had bonded with him. I had a connection with this little baby and he was taken from me too soon. I am just glad that I have such a strong faith and know that this was not the end. My angel is with our Heavenly Father. He is happy and did not have to endure the trials here on earth. I know we will be with him again and have the chance to love him. Today has just been one of those rough days.
I do want to thank all of you who have been here for us. All of your love, thoughts, and prayers has helped to ease the pain. I hold a special place in my heart for each of you.