Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Answers...... and the healing process

I had a consultation with a Perinatologist yesterday and I was given many answers to all the questions and concerns I have had since we lost the baby. She was absolutely amazing and gave me the 1 answer that I have been waiting for for a couple of weeks now. What happened! I guess you could call it a series of events that led up to the loss, but it all started with the subchorionic hemorrhage that I experienced around 14 weeks. The hemorrhage was not enough to cause me to loose the baby at that point, but as time went on the baby became dehydrated and quit making fluid. The fluid levels started to decrease and eventually became so low that the the cord became compressed and the baby passed away. I have seen quit a few doctors since I lost the baby and each has given me a clean bill of health. I have wanted to ensure that when we begin trying again that there is nothing with my health that would cause us to go through this again. I was completely reassured yesterday that there is no possibility that my health and history could cause this kind of hemorrhage resulting in a loss. She told me that we could start trying immediately if we would like and that she would follow me very closely during my next pregnancy to ensure all potential issues could be addressed immediately.

This has been an experience that I would not wish any mother or family to go through. I know that I was chosen to have this special spirit pass through my life and I will someday have the opportunity to be with him. I also feel that I was not supposed to have lost him at 14 weeks when the bleed happened. Through my experience I will be able to help other mothers who experience a loss. I was lucky enough to have a program called Common Bonds come into my life and ease the pain by giving me "memories" of my angel. I was able to share this experience with my mom who works in a rural hospital and with the help of some amazing people (some who have been through this very situation) has begun to set up this very program in 2 small town hospitals. Before this, mothers went home empty handed and broken hearted and now they will at lest be given some small tokens to remember their sweet angels by. I have been given some comfort in knowing this was not a total loss. I am using it to educate and help others. I hope to someday be able to be more directly involved in helping other families with their losses. I know it will take time to heal from my loss, but when the time comes I will be there for others and I hope that I will be able to give them the comfort they need during these tough situations.

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