Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How sweet the feeling...... The day has come

Today marks the 4 week mark since we lost our sweet angel. With the help of my husband I was able to go and request my medical records from the doctor's office and hospital. Everyone was so caring and they even took the time to copy the records right there while we waited. In the past I have had to wait up to a couple of weeks to get them. It was a bitter/sweet moment finally having those papers in my possession.. I am able to read through the different reports and remember some of the events that had become blurry due to all the medication they gave me prior to surgery. Another piece of information I found was the pathology reports from the placenta and our angel. I was right he was PERFECT! They found nothing wrong with his Earthly body which only reassures me that he had an even more PERFECT SPIRIT! They were able to see where the original hemorrhage had occurred and the evidence of a more recent one. I now know with out a doubt that my baby was only meant to have a body so he could return to live with our savior.

Another big event that took place in my healing process was that I finally had my tubes placed in both ears today. This was the last of my health issues I wanted to address before we considered trying again. I tried to have them done last week in the doctor's office, but due to odd shaped canals he was unable to place them. I was annoyed that I would have to take a full day off work and have to be placed under general anaesthesia yet again, but I am so thankful now that he couldn't. I had some great pre-op nurses who were nice to talk to and gave me some great advice to help my Hoshimoto's disease, but that is not the best part. After the surgery while I was in the recovery room I felt someone holding my hand. At first I thought it was my recovery nurse trying to arouse me, but as I was coming more to I looked over and saw a little boy holding my hand. I don't remember much about his features other than he was darker complected like my older 2 kids. I know with all my heart that I was not hallucinating and this was my little angel letting me know that he was alright and that we were going to be OK. It was the little "thing" I have been waiting for these past few weeks.

I wasn't sure if I should share my experience with you or not, but in the end I decided to . My followers are my family and I love each and everyone of you. I know that some of you may think that I was imagining it all and that's OK. You are entitled to your own thoughts and beliefs. I, however, feel like the Lord does mysterious things to help those who are grieving and he knew I needed this. I now know without a doubt I have a guardian angel who will always be close to me and help me through the trials I will experience here on earth.

I love you baby boy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about and pray for you. Know that mommy and daddy love you and miss you. Thank you for all you have taught us. Not only did you bring our family closer together, but you taught us humility, strength , faith, courage and how to focus on what we have here with us right now. I know that someday I will be able to hold you in my arms and have all eternity to spend with you. Know that your brothers and sister love you and have you in their hearts. You gave our family what they needed to cherish every moment!
We Love You Our Sweet Angel!

Love,
Mommy

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