I am the wife of a wonderful husband and the mother of 4 beautiful children here on earth and a sweet little angel in Heaven. Our lives haven't been easy, but I am so thankful for all of my many life experiences. They have helped me to learn, grow and become the person I am today!
So this week has been like a giant roller coaster ride. I have had some amazing days where I just can't help but smile and then others where it has taken all my strength to keep it together. We had a family here in Utah that lost 2 girls to a very tragic accident. Gas from pellets placed by a pest control company leaked into the house. They lost a 4 year old and a 15 month old. This has been very hard on me. I was talking to my mom about it and it dawned on me that I no longer look at death the same way. Before when someone passed I felt bad and prayed for the family, but it didn't really interrupt my normal daily activities (unless I was attending the funeral.) Now that I have truly lost someone and felt real heartbreak it is different. My heart breaks right along with the family. Even strangers. I guess I really understand the type of pain and heartbreak they are feeling. It's kind of weird for me. I am so thankful that I can understand what the family is going through and know what they feel, but at the same time I wish I didn't have to experience it. I hate that I have to understand and feel that pain and experience it every time I hear of someone passing. I feel that pain over and over.
Somebody please tell me it will lessen and get better with time! I hope it does. This is really hard for me and I hate to feel the pain so often.