I am also very angry! I don't think it is fair that I have to be so sick on top of trying to work through my loss. I am mad that I have to postpone trying for another baby again. I want to be able to do it on my own terms. Not schedule it around others. I guess ultimately it is up to God when I am blessed with another one. I am scared. I'm not sure of what, but I am feeling an overwhelming fear inside of me. I know I am scared of my upcoming surgery, but I sense it is more than that. I'm not sure where it is coming from. I just wish it would subside and allow me to move forward.
On top of all that Spring is right around the corner. I usually love Spring, but this year is so different. Don't get me wrong, I am so welcoming the sunshine and flowers, but I should also be welcoming a baby into our family too. I should be washing clothes, putting the finishing touches on the nursery and preparing myself for the many things that a new baby brings. Instead I am redoing a room with no purpose. I have no idea what color to paint the walls or even what decorations to put in it. I have an empty textured room with no ideas of what to do with it.
Well is that Pity-Party enough for you? I really could gone on, but I have griped enough for now. I am really hoping that God can help to bring me brighter days. I am in need of a break from this slump I have been in.