I was so looking forward to coming home and relaxing with the family. My cute hubby got home early today, so we hung out under the shade of our willow tree for and then decided that the poor chickens need some new straw. So we made a little place for them to hang out so we could change the straw. One of the biggest ones was acting kind of funny. He wasn't spooking like the others, so I picked him up and started caressing him. I told my husband I thought something was wrong, but he just said he was still recovering from when our puppy got in and played too rough.
***Oh I forgot to post it, but Bear our amazingly calm dog killed 4 of the chickens including the chick that I took the pictures of the egg with. I was devastated, but Juan went out and bought some to replace them that very day. We had 17 then one more died a few days later, so we were down to 16.
OK so any way I was holding it and Juan needed something so I put it down. When I put it down it took a few steps forward stumbled and started seizing. It died right there in front of me. I've had to hide the pain, but it broke my heart. I kept asking Juan if it was something I did, but he said no that it looked like it had been stepped on, but I don't know how????? Well that just started it off. I have been reminded over and over this past week and a half that I should be very pregnant or holding a sweet baby boy in my arms. Everyone I know has started delivering their babies and making happy posts about the days to come and I am forever reminded that I will not have that happiness this year.
My oldest will be turning 12 in less than a month and my baby will be 3. I am really having a hard time seeing them grow up. This has never affected me before. I have never been one of those moms who breaks down when they see the little one off to their first day of Kindergarten. Don't get me wrong I missed them terribly and couldn't wait to hear all about their day, but I have always been one to hide my tears. Well not anymore. I am devastated that they are growing up. I am not ready to move forward yet time is not standing still for me. I miss my baby and I want him so badly!!! For my sake I just need this next month to fly by and get past these "celebrations'' before I loose it completely.
Baby boy mommy loves you and misses you so much. I am so sorry that I could not keep you safe. I would have done anything had I known. I know God has bigger plans for you, but today that does not bring me comfort. I am doing my best to do good in your name and I promise I won't let you down sweet boy.