Friday, April 30, 2010

The phone calls have officially started....

I have received 3 calls in the last 2 days asking how I was feeling and if I had had the baby yet. Well let me just say that I haven't fared to well. The 1st called happened while we were visiting some good friends of ours. It was Dylan's Godmother and she was calling to invite us to a dinner she was having. Well we haven't see each other since Christmas, so she asked if I could even come because the baby had to be due any day now. I did OK telling her what happened, but just as soon as I hung up the phone I lost it. So there I am sitting at a friend's house a complete and total mess. We had to cut the visit short.

Then the next day some friends called from California. Luckily they called Juan's phone both times, but I was sitting by him. As soon as he said that I had lost the baby I lost it again. I had to go lock myself in our bedroom, so the kids wouldn't see me, and just cry. Juan has been really good at filtering as much of this for me as he can, but I keep getting hit off guard.

We, however are partially to blame. We were both so devastated when we lost Juanito that we couldn't bring ourselves to call everyone and tell them. My parents and siblings were excellent at telling my side of the family, Juan's not so much. His mom didn't tell anyone. We did tell some of our closest friends thinking that they would spread the word, but again they didn't say a word. So Juan and I have been left to tell our story over and over again. Juan is Mexican and I can't speak for all Latinos, but those that are from his area sure don't like to talk about death. It is taboo for them, so I am always aware of who cheated, who got in trouble with the law, who hates who, so and so got into a cat fight and my personal favorite....... Juan and Michelle are_________________________. Fill in the blank and I'm sure someone has said it about us. They are just jealous!!!! BUT when I really needed everyone to gossip about us, no one said a word and I am stuck reliving it every time I have to tell someone that no I am not about ready to deliver and no I don't have a baby.

MY BABY IS DEAD!!!

Did everyone hear that? MY BABY IS DEAD SO QUIT CALLING!!!!

I have some big hurdles coming up. By this I mean parties and gatherings in which I haven't seen some of the people since we announced the pregnancy. Please keep me in your prayers. I need all the strength I can get right now.

7 comments:

  1. ((hugs)) I'm sorry, telling your story over and over is hard and draining. Thinking of you

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  2. I am so sorry, Michelle. It hurts so much to retell the story over and over. Praying for you. XO

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  3. I'm so sorry. It really is hard when people ask. I hated it at my post-partum checkup with Madelyn - the nurse wanted to know how the baby was doing, and I broke down. It really is hard.

    (((hugs)))

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  4. I am so sorry. I remember those days that I had to tell people that my babies did not make it home from the hospital. It was so hard. xxx

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  5. I know exactly how you feel Michelle. It has started happening to me this week too and each time my heart shatters that one piece more.. i must have a very big one!
    wishing you gentle days x

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  6. Oh, I'm so sorry. I hate having to retell it over and over... it's just awful. Thinking of you and sending many hugs! By the way, send me your e-mail address! I have a little something for you and Juanito! XO

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