Then the next day some friends called from California. Luckily they called Juan's phone both times, but I was sitting by him. As soon as he said that I had lost the baby I lost it again. I had to go lock myself in our bedroom, so the kids wouldn't see me, and just cry. Juan has been really good at filtering as much of this for me as he can, but I keep getting hit off guard.
We, however are partially to blame. We were both so devastated when we lost Juanito that we couldn't bring ourselves to call everyone and tell them. My parents and siblings were excellent at telling my side of the family, Juan's not so much. His mom didn't tell anyone. We did tell some of our closest friends thinking that they would spread the word, but again they didn't say a word. So Juan and I have been left to tell our story over and over again. Juan is Mexican and I can't speak for all Latinos, but those that are from his area sure don't like to talk about death. It is taboo for them, so I am always aware of who cheated, who got in trouble with the law, who hates who, so and so got into a cat fight and my personal favorite....... Juan and Michelle are_________________________. Fill in the blank and I'm sure someone has said it about us. They are just jealous!!!! BUT when I really needed everyone to gossip about us, no one said a word and I am stuck reliving it every time I have to tell someone that no I am not about ready to deliver and no I don't have a baby.
MY BABY IS DEAD!!!
Did everyone hear that? MY BABY IS DEAD SO QUIT CALLING!!!!
I have some big hurdles coming up. By this I mean parties and gatherings in which I haven't seen some of the people since we announced the pregnancy. Please keep me in your prayers. I need all the strength I can get right now.