Thursday, April 8, 2010

Quote..... Apology

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

I came across this quote today and wow it hit me. It is so true. I feel like I have been bad mouthing a person that can't defend himself, so I want to apologize for my last post. I didn't know where else I could go to vent and be safe. People can and do change. E has remarried, has another child and has held a steady job for a few years now. Something he did not do/have when we were together. I really hope he has changed for his wife and daughter's sake.

Frustration is a good word to describe how I feel about the whole situation. Unless you have been through it you can't see the hurt that is felt. I look into my son's eyes and I see the hurt and the why when E is mentioned. Dylan doesn't understand why he has never received a birthday or Christmas card. Why hasn't E tried to just let Dylan know that he does care about him. Dylan is such an amazing kid. He is my rock. He is a good big brother. He takes so much from his sister and now little brother with very little complaint. He takes such good care of me. He knows I am sick and he tries to help out around the house without being asked. He is a good student and very well liked by everyone. He attends the school I work at and not a day goes by that a fellow co-worker doesn't come to me and tell me how much they adore him. Who wouldn't want that for a son? Who could deny all that pureness, that goodness? That is why this is so hard for me. I see this amazing little boy and it kills me to think someone could hurt him. Our family has suffered the ultimate heartbreak and we are doing everything we can to survive and grow from losing Juanito. Again unless you have lost a child, you have no idea the heartbreak that accompanies that loss. I am on the defensive right now. I have to protect what I do have and I can't allow anyone to come into our lives and cause MY CHILD anymore heartache!!! Dylan has been through so much, he doesn't deserve anymore. Something that many do not know is Our daughter, Adriana has been a very sick little girl. She has had 27 hospitalization, 100's of ER visits, several surgeries, and many lost days due to home treatments. I also spent 10 weeks on bed rest during her pregnancy. Through all of this Dylan was shuffled around like a little puppy. He was so good through it all. He always bounced back and never gave us a moments trouble. That is the kind of boy E has given up. He walked away from the best thing he could have ever had in his life. And it is so hard to understand why. Nobody but me will ever know the hurt and heartache that Dylan and I have felt. Not even my husband can understand what we have been through. We are and always have been a team. I love him more than words can say. He is such an amazing person.

This is my little man! I love you more than words can say bud. I will fight for you till my last breath!!!

3 comments:

  1. Don't be too hard on yourself. this is suppossed to be a safe place where you can come and vent without judgement. I think you have been very kind and gracious in your words regarding E. You only want what is best for your sweet son. xx

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  2. Good for you Michelle!!!! You are 100% right, his loss this little boy has been blessed with a mother who will fight for him even at her most trying times...My heart goes out to you...Continue to be there for your boy because he is so good because of you :)

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  3. I don't know why he has chosen to not be in his son's life but he is missing out! You are such a good person

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