Thursday, April 22, 2010

Why are some people so ignorant?

Not sure why, but this post is showing up weird, so you may have to decipher it some.

Last night I was still feeling sorry for myself. A few more Facebook friends announced that they were expecting and 2 posted pics of their newborn babies.
So I posted: How many more people are going to announce their pregnancies and births before I get my chance? Life sucks right now............ I know I sound like a broken record. It went something like that and all i was needing were some hugs and I'm sorry's nothing big. But what I got was this message:
"So basically you're saying that people should just stop sharing their happy news  because a few people may be offended?  That's not fair.  They aren't intentionally  rubbing it in anyone's face.  Facebook is about sharing news with family and friends, you  have to take the good with the bad.  No one means to be offensive, life just goes  on."
Well my question to you is: Does life go on? How many of you have just said oh well life goes on? Well I sure as heck haven't and I'm pretty sure none of you have either. So I commented back trying to still be the bigger person and explained that our hearts were broken, so not only are we trying to find all the pieces but our would has stopped completely.
She then preceded to tell me that she knows pain because she has a special needs child. We all have our trials and it is our choice how we want to deal with them. I again responded letting her know that I too have a special needs child and we have decided to treat her like a normal child, but this is nothing like that.
Anyway long story short. If you can't say something nice especially to a grieving parent don't say nothing at all.
I am always so happy for the parents that are expecting and I thank GOD every time a baby is born to this world healthy, but that does not change my pain and I need FB support just the same as expecting parents want congratulations.


  1. I totally understand your happy for them,but there is that sadness and wanting for yourself,right?
    I too, have had my days, but I can no longer have children due to hemmorage after my daughter's death so I loss her and my future pregnancies all in the same day. I understand, (((HUGS)))

  2. I am so sorry, Michelle. Life doesn't just go on. How hurtful to say that. Thinking of you and your precious son. XO

  3. Ugh, just...ugh. I'm so sorry. All you needed was hugs. That's all she had to say. You should be allowed to share your sadness just as much as they are allowed to share their happiness. ((hugs)) And saying you know how someone feels is just wrong at any point, considering that NOBODY feels grief the same way. I, too, have lost a child and I don't know exactly how one feels. But saying her special needs child compares to your child's death kind of shows you how she feels about her special needs child.

  4. What was yesterday a full moon?? Between what you dealt with and poor Rachel (3 butterflies n a monkey) it is like people just have no filter or compassion about a simple, "sending you is like we are expected to swallow everything and put a face on for the others yet no one is thinking of us!! What about THEM not posting so you arent offended instead of you having to worry about what they will feel....find me on facebook, im private but im friends with Jill so you will see me there, i have NO problem being a hug for you or support there as i wrote in my posts you are all family now....i protect my own :) ((((hugs)))

  5. You're so right. If people can share their joy & happiness, why can't we try and get a little support from others when we're feeling sad? I get so frustrated when people are just annoyed like, 'oh, she wrote another sad status..' Come on people! If you can't say anything nice, just keep quiet. I'm sorry people are so ignorant. :( They just don't understand. (((HUGS)))

  6. Oh Michelle, so sorry you had to deal with that. However, I think that for the rest of the world life does go on. It is us who have suffered a loss like this that are stuck in time. Our worlds stopped the second our babies died and the lucky people out there just don't get it. I am not trying to defend her at all, if that is the way she felt, she should have just kept it to herself. But I know many times I have felt as if people who are close to me just keep on living while I am forever stuck on the day I lost my girls. Big hugs to you. XX

  7. my life stood still the day i lost xavier. my life is still standing still, but everyone around me is continuing on like nothing ever happened. sometimes i get angry that i've lost ten months of my life and everyone else has continued on. when do i get to continue on? do i get to continue on? when will i start living again; moving again; being happy again? i'm so sorry that her words hurt you. i'm sure she is just ignorant of your life experience!

    i'm still waiting for that 'new normal' so that i can begin living again. i was once told that grief is like the ocean (the tide and waves and such)...but i never know when a tsunami is going to show up out of nowhere and wipe me out! i wish we could just continue on, but i don't know how. [HUGS]

  8. i think if they haven't been thru it they don't see your side of that post you made. all she seen was you "complaining" about other peoples happiness.
    it's totally understandable for you to be upset. and it sux that people can't understand that you being upset over other peoples happiness doesn't mean that you wish them anything but good things.
    big hugs

  9. Just another case of if you haven't been there you don't get it.

  10. Michelle, I dont know you. I happened upon your blog thru Emma's mothers blog because of that sweet thing with the eggs with the names on them. Anyway, this is a classic case of the "DELETE" button on FB. You DO NOT need people in your life like that! I have a special needs child as well and it is so totally not the same thing. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child in anyway. That person should not be a part of your life in any way! She does not deserve to know anything about your special family. Again, I dont know you but you have a beautiful family and I know one day you will be with your sweet baby again. I am sure that you know that and that it doesnt help a ton knowing that when you want him with you so badly now. Keep your chin up!!! HUGS