Aside from school Life has been hectic. May is such a busy month for us and I just wish I could bypass it all together. I'll give you the breakdown of the month.
May- My due date(s) I had 4, so I have no clue when he was due.
May 1st- Best friend's Little girl's Birthday Party
May 2nd- Mitch's Birthday/ IBLMD
May 3rd- Godson's Birthday
May 4th-Sister' Anniversary
May 5th- Our Anniversary
May 8th- Memory Walk/ Godson's Birthday Party
May 9th- Mother's Day
May 10th- Grandpa's Birthday
May 15th- Chilo's Birthday/Kid's Combined Birthday Party.
May 16th- Summer Bible study session begins
May 19th- Dylan's Birthday
May 22nd- Terin's Graduation
May 27th- Dylan's Graduation
May 28th-Last Day of School
May 31st- Memorial Day
June 1st- My second surgery
On top of those dates I have Primerica meetings every Wednesday and Saturday, I work 5 days a week, we have put our house on the market, we are looking for a house, we are painting/remodeling the house and we have been invited to several birthday/first communion/confirmation parties. I'm not trying to say mine is worse than yours. I'm just saying it is too much for me right now.
To top it all off, Mitch has been sick the past few days. He spiked a 104 temp last night. His breathing went up to 40, his heart rate stayed around 200 and his oxygen dropped to 78. I had to put him on 5L of oxygen for about 3 hours. I was able to get his fever to break and everything else improved but he was still on 2 1/2L of oxygen when I left for work this morning. Due to taking maternity leave (2 weeks) early I had to work, so Juan took the day off and stayed with him. He took him to the doctor and he was given a bunch of meds and sent home. Our regular Ped is out so I am a little nervous about the diagnosis.
So let me just say I am not doing too well. I lost it last night and cried for about 3 hours. Juan was so cute. He kept trying to come up with things to help cheer me up, but of course nothing worked. I was then up the majority of the night with Mitch, so I didn't get much sleep. I am a wreck today. I have a co-worker who lost her 21 year old son about 3 years ago. She has become extremely negative towards everything. Especially work. I don't blame her, but I have a very hard time not falling into her negativity. Lets just say I feel like she is hindering my healing. Our principal is new and he has uprooted the whole system and has caused havoc, so this co-worker has decided to rebel. I was standing in the lunchroom while her students were going through the line today. She of course was not in there and her kids were out of control. I had to get after them and stop the whole lunchroom just to get them back under control. I had a furry build up inside of me that I have never felt at work before and I came lose on her. I told her what I thought of how she was acting and that I was not going to be her personal babysitter. I was shaking so bad. I have never had this happen before. I don't agree with what she is doing, but I have personally prided myself with my self control and today I had none.
I am not OK. I am not dealing well with everything right now. All I want to do is crawl into a hole and stay there for a very long time. I thought things were progressing pretty well, but I was wrong. I have digressed so much that I wonder how I am ever going to move forward. My heart hurts so much right now and I can't seem to come to grips with it all. I am going through just as rough a time if not rougher than when I lost Juanito. This is so hard!!!
I guess I just need to let the break downs come and hope that I can survive the rest of this month! Sorry about the ramblings. My thoughts are all jumbled and I am not even sure if this post makes sense, but at least I was able to get through it =)