Thursday, May 13, 2010

Emotions....

I never knew I was capable of experiencing this many and these types of emotions. Especially so close together or even at once. This is something I never wanted or asked for. I do not like it at all. One minute I can be laughing with a co-worker and the next feel hatred/disgust. I have felt so many emotions that I can not list them all. Click on the word emotions and you will find a list. I can guarantee that I have experienced the majority of them these past few months. This really takes a toll on a person. I feel like I have been living in the fight or flight mode for almost five months now. It is not a fun feeling! My body does not function right. My brain does not function right. My SOUL is not functioning right. I need off of this emotional ride and back on solid ground. I want to feel what solid ground feels like again. I want a taste of what a worry free life is like or at least not having to worry about loosing my baby. I want to breath fresh air again, but instead I am stuck breathing in the stale air of the baby loss world! I have never really wanted to return to my childhood before, but I would love to feel the carelessness I felt as a child. I want to have the innocence of my carefree days back. I want to be oblivious to all the hurt and pain that is felt in this world. I want to be free!!!

6 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I wish these emotions were just something we could run from or avoid---but there they are, ever changing, right in our face. Lots of love and prayers to you. xxx

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  2. Sing it, sister. Holy cow is this exactly how I feel today....

    One glad morning, friend...one glad morning!
    Lots of love to you!

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  3. It is hard to control these emotions. They seem to have their own agenda. I feel the same way you do. xx

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  4. Did I write this post??? I JUST SAID ALL OF THIS in therapy today!!! I asked if she knew a way where I can "shut off" my thinking because its driving me crazy.. i told her everything you just said, and of course "this is normal with grief" I dont want it to be normal, i want you to say "oh this is what you do and you will be calm again".....I just told Anthony I wish i was in my early 20's going out all the time when my biggest problem was "what am i wearing tonight?" Im with you michelle...allllllllll the way!!!

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  5. Feels like 0 to 60 in 2 seconds flat....we all get it honey, we are on the roller coaster with you. Hugs and prayers for better days ahead. xxx

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  6. Me too! You certainly said it. I wish I could get all of my innocence and carefree days back, every single day. (((HUGS)))

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