I am the wife of a wonderful husband and the mother of 4 beautiful children here on earth and a sweet little angel in Heaven. Our lives haven't been easy, but I am so thankful for all of my many life experiences. They have helped me to learn, grow and become the person I am today!
I never knew I was capable of experiencing this many and these types of emotions. Especially so close together or even at once. This is something I never wanted or asked for. I do not like it at all. One minute I can be laughing with a co-worker and the next feel hatred/disgust. I have felt so many emotions that I can not list them all. Click on the word emotions and you will find a list. I can guarantee that I have experienced the majority of them these past few months. This really takes a toll on a person. I feel like I have been living in the fight or flight mode for almost five months now. It is not a fun feeling! My body does not function right. My brain does not function right. My SOUL is not functioning right. I need off of this emotional ride and back on solid ground. I want to feel what solid ground feels like again. I want a taste of what a worry free life is like or at least not having to worry about loosing my baby. I want to breath fresh air again, but instead I am stuck breathing in the stale air of the baby loss world! I have never really wanted to return to my childhood before, but I would love to feel the carelessness I felt as a child. I want to have the innocence of my carefree days back. I want to be oblivious to all the hurt and pain that is felt in this world. I want to be free!!!