Notice something wrong with the paragraph above? I'm sure most will say no. You have lost a child and everything you are going through is normal. Well you are right, but it has taken me 4 months to realize that there is something wrong with it. The problem is that every sentence starts with I. Not we, I! I have been doing all of these things for the past 4 months and not even thought twice about what my husband is going through or what he needs. I have not been a very good wife! I think in many ways our relationship has become stronger, but in many ways it has also deteriorated. I have been obsessed with the internet. I am on the computer a lot. I research, read blogs, FB, write, pay bills, chat, and so much more. It helps me to occupy my time but I have forgotten that I have another half and he is feeling left out of my life. We had an amazing weekend, but at the same time we argued a lot. He has finally started to deal with this and he has hit his rock bottom. Where have I been? On the computer. It is time I start paying more attention to him and helping him get through this rough time.
So starting today I am going to limit my time on the internet. I personally don't feel ready to give up my daily contacts, but I love my husband and I care about our relationship. I no longer have Juanito here with me, but I do have a wonderful (most of the time =) husband and 3 beautiful children who are here. I love and miss my baby so much, but I know without a doubt that I will get to be with him one day and I need to give as much of myself to my family that I have right here right now! Don't get me wrong, I will still check up on everyone and continue my blogstocking, but it just won't be everyday. This is going to be a hard transition for me, but I know that all my BL friends understand and you will be here for me when I need you as I for you as much as I can.
It's time to quit focusing on me and to start focusing on my family. They are my world, yet these past 4 months I have shut them out. I am praying for strength! I know that sounds funny, but I seriously depend on my BL friends. They are the only ones who understand what I am going through. I need all of you!!! But I am going to try for my husband.