Friday, May 7, 2010

Rock bottom....

Is this what it feels like or is it going to get worse? Where do I go from here? How am I ever going to move forward? What is wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? Who is going to help me? Where do I go to get that help? When is this insanity going to end? How can I move forward if I feel like there is nowhere to go? How much can my family take before they break? Is anyone hurting like me? Does anyone feel the way I do? Does anyone understand me? Does anyone care that it hurts so bad? Am I hiding it well enough? Am I showing my weakness? Am i as miserable to be around as she is? Do I cause people unnecessary pain? I'm I a burden?

I DON'T KNOW!!!

Friends I just wanted to let you know I had a big project planned for everyone for Mother's Day, but I am so sorry I don't think I am going to be able to do it. I feel horrible and I am so sorry!!!

9 comments:

  1. Michelle, I'm really sorry its so rough right now. You have shown all of us so much love for our babies. Don't put any pressure on yourself and give yourself lots of grace right now. I've been at the same point where I just had to let things go cause the grief took over. big hugs

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  2. oh, i think we all understand! be gentle with yourself! *HUGS*

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  3. Dont be sorry!! You have to take care of you first! I totally understand! If you need anyone to talk to I am here!! DOnt worry about covering up your feelings. You are allowed to have them to!! Sending hugs!!

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  4. oh dear friend.... i understand. xxxxxx i do. the bottom is so dark. i remember that feeling.... i was so alone. all i could do was look up and scream quietly...... it's ok. it DOES pass. it will get better..... the pain will always be there because you will always love and miss juanito.... but it does becomes easier to bear.

    i'm going to hunt an email that a friend sent me. it's VERY long but when i reached my bottom, this gave me something to hold on to. maybe it will help you too. i'll post it on my blog for you.

    you are NOT alone. YOU ARE LOVED! :) be encouraged ....look up. (((hugs))) wish it could be in person. special prayers for you today.

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  5. Michelle, YES I feel just like this...NO you are not going crazy...YES i want to hide too...YOU are grieving, this is your baby, it takes a long time, it is a roller coaster, There are days "when" you doing better...there are going to be these "firsts" and Mother's Day definitely is the worst SO FAR...I am scared to death to say its the worst, as I feel I will be tested more...Last night was very difficult for me...I would like to say it came "out of no where" but it didnt it was a build up and i just lost it...

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  6. ((hugs)). do what you need to do to take of yourself, Michelle. thinking of you.

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  7. My dear sweet Michelle this being the first Mother's day without your little man it is understandable that you are not yourself. All the emotions that you are feeling are all normal. It's been over a year and sometimes those feelings come back. ((Hugs))

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  8. ((hugs)) take care of yourself, we are here for you!!

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