I am the wife of a wonderful husband and the mother of 4 beautiful children here on earth and a sweet little angel in Heaven. Our lives haven't been easy, but I am so thankful for all of my many life experiences. They have helped me to learn, grow and become the person I am today!
I love to scrapbook. I always have. It is a hobby that I started when I had Dylan. I wanted to remember everything about my kids while they were growing up. Well I've been a slacker and fallen really far behind, but I am determined to get caught up!!! Tonight I was working on Mitch's book. the very first page in each child's book is their hospital portrait then their delivery and finally their first bath. It is so much fun to look at these pages and remember the feelings associated with them. I love it, but I have a problem. I don't have a first hospital picture, delivery pictures or first bath pictures of Juanito. I have no happy memories of his birth. I was too devastated by his death. Granted I appreciate every moment we had with him and I loved admiring his tiny little features, but it wasn't happy like my others. All I have are a few pictures, hand & foot prints, name cards and certificates. Juanito's book is not going to consist of memories, but rather thoughts. People thinking of him and our family and writing his name or sending a cards. Pictures of his name are all I have to share of him. I am so glad to have them and so thankful of the many friends and strangers out there who have taken a moment of their time to think of my son. You guys are my heros!!! But deep down inside that is not enough! I want all the memories I will never have with him to scrapbook. I want to be able to laugh and smile as I remember his face or his reaction to a particular situation. I want to be able to show off his book the same way I do the others, but instead I will have a memorial book to honor him by. People will look at it and feel sorry for us. They will tell us how beautiful the pages are and how thoughtful people are to send us the pictures of his name. That is all I will have for my beautiful Angel.