Sunday, June 27, 2010

Scrapbooking

I love to scrapbook. I always have. It is a hobby that I started when I had Dylan. I wanted to remember everything about my kids while they were growing up. Well I've been a slacker and fallen really far behind, but I am determined to get caught up!!! Tonight I was working on Mitch's book. the very first page in each child's book is their hospital portrait then their delivery and finally their first bath. It is so much fun to look at these pages and remember the feelings associated with them. I love it, but I have a problem. I don't have a first hospital picture, delivery pictures or first bath pictures of Juanito. I have no happy memories of his birth. I was too devastated by his death. Granted I appreciate every moment we had with him and I loved admiring his tiny little features, but it wasn't happy like my others. All I have are a few pictures, hand & foot prints, name cards and certificates. Juanito's book is not going to consist of memories, but rather thoughts. People thinking of him and our family and writing his name or sending a cards. Pictures of his name are all I have to share of him. I am so glad to have them and so thankful of the many friends and strangers out there who have taken a moment of their time to think of my son. You guys are my heros!!! But deep down inside that is not enough! I want all the memories I will never have with him to scrapbook. I want to be able to laugh and smile as I remember his face or his reaction to a particular situation. I want to be able to show off his book the same way I do the others, but instead I will have a memorial book to honor him by. People will look at it and feel sorry for us. They will tell us how beautiful the pages are and how thoughtful people are to send us the pictures of his name. That is all I will have for my beautiful Angel.

8 comments:

  1. I feel the same way about Cora's. It was very healing to do all the pages I did of pictures of her, her flowers, her cards and such...but then I was done. I have to fight to find a reason to add a page to her book. Erin's already got 2, because I have so many pages of her (and I'm far enough behind Patrick doesn't have many). Cora's will remain forever short. And any pictures I add are of her name, or of trinkets. How is that fair? It hurts, it really does. (hugs)

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  2. Oh...such heartbreaking words...I have a memorial album that good friends made for us to have at the funeral and I think the same thing...people think the pages are beautiful but feel sorry for us.

    I think it's not so much pity, though, as it is true and heartfelt sorrOW--they are full of sorrow that those precious babies are not with us.

    You are right--there are just not enough pages of our little ones' lives...and it really, really hurts.

    Thinking of you xoxoxo

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  3. ((hugs)) I have a few scrapbooks of cayden done,and some still needing work. I have pink polk a dot one I got for Ella, but I can't make myself do the pages just yet..I think because I know I will run out of picutes before pages. I have some great ideas..just haven't put the pencil to the paper yet..its a big step..its kind of heartbreaking that something once enjoyed, almost therapeutic, is something I am dreading..it stings..thinking of Juanito.xoxo

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  4. You are so so lucky to have the few things that you have of Juanito. I have absolutely nothing of my sweet angel. I treasure his 14 week ultrasound because you can see his whole little body and face. I wish desperately I had some pictures, hand molds, or prints.

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  5. I feel the same way. :( Just last week, I ordered a babybook, specifically for babies that are miscarried, stillborn or lost through infant death because the babybook I have for Alexandra is too depressing. I had to get one that actually has a spot for things such as funeral details... I hate that we have to do this for our babies Michelle. It's so not fair & I wish we could have happy memories of our babies like everyone else instead of sad ones. (((HUGS))))

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  6. One thing to consider adding is photos of your pregnancy. I even like to look at the photos I have of after we conceived but before we found out. It's not right that this is all we get. Hugs!

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  7. I'm so the same way. I love scrapbooking and when I was pregnant with the twins I collected stickers and paper that I just imagined we'd use someday. I haven't been able to scrapbook anything for them, yet, and I don't know why. Not my pregnancy, not the few photos that I have of them. I just can't do it. :(

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  8. I have kept the names sent to me on my computer. I think I will follow your lead and put them in a book too.

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