Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Is it not enough?

Do you ever feel like your best is not enough? Well that is exactly how I am feeling right now. I'm doing the best I can right now with the cards I have been dealt. It has only been 8 months since I had to say goodbye to my son. I returned back to work only 2 short weeks after I lost him. I managed to keep it together for my family, my friends and my students. I hardly ever had break downs in front of anyone and I've managed to do this with out the help of therapy. But lately I feel as if people expect more from me. I have returned back to yet another year of teaching. I arrive to work at 7am and I don't leave till 5pm. I go home, I make dinner, spend quality time with my kids and then I am beat! I can't do anymore. I have to go to bed. My friends are wondering what has happened to me, my husband is wondering when his wife will return and I still have a million things I need to get accomplished around my house and at work.

Just so everyone knows I am doing the best I can!!! Sorry house if you don't get scrubbed as often as you would like. Sorry Juan if we don't get as much alone time as you would like. Sorry friends if you don't hear from me as much as you would like. Sorry work I think 10 hours a day is enough! Just know I am doing the best I can right now!!! I promise I haven't forgotten about you and I will make up for lost time, but right now I am just trying to stay afloat!!!


Monday, August 30, 2010

8 months

I wanted to write this yesterday, but my sweet hubby decided that he just needed to spend some quality time with me this weekend and he forbid me from using my computer. It has been 8 long months since I held my precious son in my arms. I miss him so much! It feels like it was just yesterday that I was laying in the US room and I asked/told the tech that he was gone. I knew right away. I had seen enough US in my life to know that he was gone. All she could do was hug me and tell me she was sorry. Well and all I could say was it was OK. It really wasn't Ok. I had just lost my son, but I didn't know what else to say. Juan and I had to enter that very room just this last week. It brought back so many emotions and I had to tell Juan step by step what happened. It was so helpful for me to be able to do that. I have been able to talk more about everything with Juan lately and he has been so supportive. I know he doesn't want to relive it, but I need to get it off my shoulders. He has been such an mazing help with it all lately. I miss my baby boy more than anyone will ever know, but I have found a renewed hope. I know without a doubt that God is going to bless us with a beautiful and healthy rainbow. I know that everything is going to work out. A rainbow will never replace my sweet Juanito, but it will help with the healing.

Mommy, wants you to know that I miss you so much, but I know that you are giving me the courage to move forward and carry on sweet baby boy. Protect your future baby brother of sister and let them know that I am patiently waiting for the day that they will come into our lives. You are such an amazing little man and I know you are with me everyday!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Your prayers were answered!

Things are going much better! I am feeling more at peace with things and my blood levels are looking much better. The doctor put me on some hormone supplements and they seem to be working!!!! I have started back t work, so life has become very busy and I am able to occupy my mind more. I am just trying not to think about things right now. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things continue to head in the right direction!!!


Friday, August 13, 2010

I needs prayers!!!

Without going into too much detail I am asking for your prayers!!! My hormones levels are not where they should be and in fact they have been dropping. They need to be at a certain level to get pregnant and raise to another level to maintain the pregnancy. This is so hard and I am feeling so down. I really need to be lifted in prayer right now. Will you please say a prayer for me and my future rainbow(s)? If you do not believe in prayer will you please just keep me in your thoughts? Just knowing I have support helps so much!!!

I love you all!!!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Slowly but surely!

Ok so I have had a few suggestions on how I can raise funds for Juanito's Wish. Jenna's mommy Franchesca is going to donate a portion of what she makes during the month of October from blog makeovers to us!!! That is going to help out so much!!! So if you are thinking about a new look for you blog PLEASE hold off till October for us.

Another suggestion has been to put a Chipin button on the blog. That is now up and running. If you donate PLEASE leave a comment and let me know. I will put it on the blog in honor of your angel!!!

I am so excited to expand Juanito's Wish. There are so many parents out there going through what we are and I want to help as many as possible!!! This is a slow process, but we will make it to where we want to go!!!

Thanks to everyone who has helped out so far!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I need help figuring out how to raise $ for Juanito's Wish

Finally Juanito's Wish is up and running! We have 2 complete boxes and supplies for 15 more. I should have the poem/scripture verses books back from the girls who are assembling them this weekend. We really are off to a good start! Thank God no one has needed a box, but it is only a matter of time.
So anyway I want to be able to donate more boxes to more rural hospitals, but do to all my many medical issues my funds are growing thin. I am in need of ideas and ways to raise some money just for Juanito's Wish!

Just as I was typing this the cutest little hummingbird came and visited me for a few minutes!!! Oh it was my little guy checking up on me!

OK back to my money issues...... Anyone have any good ideas???