Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Is it not enough?

Do you ever feel like your best is not enough? Well that is exactly how I am feeling right now. I'm doing the best I can right now with the cards I have been dealt. It has only been 8 months since I had to say goodbye to my son. I returned back to work only 2 short weeks after I lost him. I managed to keep it together for my family, my friends and my students. I hardly ever had break downs in front of anyone and I've managed to do this with out the help of therapy. But lately I feel as if people expect more from me. I have returned back to yet another year of teaching. I arrive to work at 7am and I don't leave till 5pm. I go home, I make dinner, spend quality time with my kids and then I am beat! I can't do anymore. I have to go to bed. My friends are wondering what has happened to me, my husband is wondering when his wife will return and I still have a million things I need to get accomplished around my house and at work.

Just so everyone knows I am doing the best I can!!! Sorry house if you don't get scrubbed as often as you would like. Sorry Juan if we don't get as much alone time as you would like. Sorry friends if you don't hear from me as much as you would like. Sorry work I think 10 hours a day is enough! Just know I am doing the best I can right now!!! I promise I haven't forgotten about you and I will make up for lost time, but right now I am just trying to stay afloat!!!

THAT IS THE BEST I CAN DO RIGHT NOW!!!!

9 comments:

  1. hang in there.... they just don't get it..... keep hanging on. it will come. the house will wait ;} ha! if friends want to see you, they can make the effort. your job is YOU, YOUR BABIES AND YOUR HUBBY! hang in there friend. i know this feeling.... we all do (that have been in these shoes). i'm praying, friend..... one day, you will breathe again. but don't rush it.

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  2. i feel the same way! so glad i am not alone...and you aren't either. (hugs)

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  3. Hey Michelle, I wanted to say that you have a lot going on even if you weren't dealing with the loss of Juanito!! Give yourself lots of grace cuz it is a lot and don't let anyone give you any guff for it. Hugs

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  4. Michelle, I hope in the midst of all you have to do, that you take a little time to pamper yourself. You deserve it. I remember all too well the stuggle of teaching all day, taking care of my family, and trying to stay afloat myself. That is a load on anyone. I know you're doing the best you can - just please don't forget yourself. (((HUGS)))

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  5. I think your doing wonderful. Just remember to take a little time for YOU !!
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Caroline

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  6. You are doing incredibly. Sometimes I really want to beat people over the head and just ask them how in the world they think you get up and BREATHE every day, much less get through all the one million and seven other obligations you are under....your child died, and that in and of itself is so encompassing and engrossing and just bottomless in feelings and emotions--to be able to do much more is simply miraculous, so know that those of us who know this are giving you lots of love and credit and sending prayers for your continued strength and perseverance. xoxoxoxoxoox

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  7. That is all you can do. It is okay to let some of those things go and to take care of yourself. You deserve to have some down time and to be alone with your thoughts. Hoping things slow down for you very soon.

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  8. Hang in there Michelle and take care of you! :) xo

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  9. Michelle, it sometimes does feel like there is just so much pressure to make everyone happy and comfortable with you. But you have to do what is good for you. And coping right now with what you have is all you can do. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am making all the effort. The effort should also come from others.

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