Monday, October 4, 2010

Bad dreams and my pathology report

I have been having lots of dreams lately that Juanito was a girl. It has really bothered me. What if he really was and we have been honoring this little boy when we should have been honoring a little girl? So I got brave yesterday and I pulled out the pathology reports. He def. was a boy! There is no doubt about it!!! In big bold letters written in the first sentence was the word MALE! That really made me feel better. I also took my time and read the report. There really was a second hemorrhage/abruption and that was his cause of death. Why I didn't comprehend this when I read the report the first time I don't know, but this time I did. How the heck I didn't die from it, I don't know. Silent abruptions are almost always a death sentence for pregnant women. I did some research and the abruption is probably what caused me to hemorrhage after I delivered too. The clots that had formed broke away and it caused the flood gates to open. The pathology of the placenta showed it was 100% intact, so there was no way it was retained placenta that they had to do the D&C for. Had it just been placenta I would never have had to be packed with gauze for 6 hours afterward. It is so weird how our minds can only deal with so much and I was overloaded with grief when I first got those results. I honestly do understand a lot of medical terminology from my nursing background and it really was not hard for me to interpret, but I just couldn't handle it at the time. I am thankful that I did get up the courage to read that report again. It really did give me more insight to the whole situation.

7 comments:

  1. Glad that you got the courage to read the report and that it helped you to understand more and to bring you some peace from your dreams.

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  2. I am so happy the report brought you some comfort. I wish you sweet dreams from here on out.

    xo

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  3. I am glad to hear that you have a much better understanding as to what happened.

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  4. I'm so happy you were able to read the report and have some peace now. I know at times like that it's hard to take all that in. I pray nothing but great dreams for you.
    {{HUGS}}
    Caroline

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  5. This is kind of an oxy-moron but you are lucky to have those reports and know exactly little Juanito's cause of death. I wish I knew so bad what happened with my little angel. But I guess its something I will never know in this life. So glad you found peace!

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  6. I'm glad you had the courage to read it. It is something that our minds might not really handle when grief is so fresh.

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  7. The not knowing why has many of us asking why. I am glad that you have the answers to help you.

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