Monday, November 29, 2010

11 months

11 months ago today I said goodbye to my sweet angel! I still miss him just as much as I did that day. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wonder what life would be like if he were here. My other kids still talk about him and ask questions too. I love that they haven't forgotten either. Last night Adriana asked if I thought he would be walking by now and I said probably pulling himself up to the couch and I was saddened at the thought of never getting to share in those kinds of memories with my son, but I have different memories with him that I cherish very much.
We celebrated our first Thanksgiving without him this past weekend. I was so nervous about how I would deal with it. I was scared to death about the comments that would or wouldn't be made. My family was great to take into consideration my feelings when asking questions or making comments about different things. They really did a great job at making me feel "better" These next 4 weeks are going to be rough as we go through this holiday season without our baby, but apparently I have an amazing support group out there and I am very thankful to have them. It has been this baby loss community that has gotten me to where I am today.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Only 6 weeks left and I need ideas how to remember him by...

In just 6 short weeks it will have been 1 yr. since I was forced to say goodbye to my sweet baby boy. To be honest it doesn't feel like it has even been 3 months. It feels like it was just yesterday. All the emotions that have been involved this past year have been the most incredible and intense emotions I have ever felt. Yes I was emotional when I was married and yes I was emotional with the birth or each child, but these emotions are very different and a different kind of intense. I miss my baby boy so much! I really do. I know that someday I will be given the opportunity to be with him and make up for all this lost time, but that doesn't make this journey any less painful. I keep telling myself that there is a plan set in place and that loosing Juanito was part of that plan. I just need to put my trust in God and He will guide me through this plan. So far I have tried to do just that and so far things have gone as smoothly as they possible can for having had to bury my child....

I having been thinking for a long time what I want to do for his 1st angelversary and to be honest the only think I can think of is to somehow raise more money for Juanito's Wish. I really want to be able to expand this cause out to more rural hospitals. I have about 50 boxes ready to fill, but unfortunately Juan's work has really slowed and I am unable to purchase the items to fill, so those boxes are sitting in my cold room waiting to be sent off for more grieving parents. I need thoughts and ideas as to how I can get more donations (Big or small every dollar helps!) coming in to help out this cause. I know that the hospital I sent the first 10 boxes to has had to give out 2 of their boxes. I got word back that the parents were so grateful for the them and I want to continue to bring some kind of peace to grieving parent's hearts. If you have any thoughts or ideas as to how I can do this PLEASE leave a comment and let me know. I already have a donate button on the right side of this blog, but I need help getting the word out.