Tuesday, December 28, 2010

1yr ago today

Today marks 1 year since I found out that Juanito had returned to be with Jesus. On Dec. 22nd I had my big US. His fluid was still low, but everything else looked good. The SCH was nowhere to be seen and he was very active. Our only problem was that he decided to be shy and not let us know the sex. Because my fluid was low they scheduled another US for Dec. 28th and we would once again take a peek and see what we would be having. I arrived at the doctor's office around 12:15 and I had to wait. I wasn't taken back until after 1:00pm. As soon as the tech placed the wand on my belly I knew something was wrong. His fluid was extremely low and he wasn't moving like the week before. I was the one who finally said those dreaded words.... His heart has stopped!!! The tech confirmed it over and over for me. She even came back after telling my doctor and checked again, but there was no heartbeat. I was all alone! I never expected there to be anything wrong and I couldn't get ahold of Juan. He had left his cell in his truck (It took 2 hours to finally get ahold of him.) The first person I told was my dad. I was bawling hysterically and all I could say was the baby was gone. My dad handed the phone to my mom and she hopped into her car and headed up to be with us. My doc immediately took me back and placed seaweed sticks into my cervix to ripen it and sent me home to prepare for the delivery and try to comprehend everything that had just happened.

To this day I am still trying to comprehend what happened and why it had to happen to me. I would never wish this on anyone, but I just wish it didn't have to happen to me!!! I love and miss you so much baby boy!!!

9 comments:

  1. Michelle, thinking of you & Juanito today. He'll never be forgotten around here or by me. :) XOXOXO

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  2. ♥Juantio♥ Much love to you today

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  3. So sorry michelle these days are so hard. Sending so much love to you today and always! Thinking of you and juanito!!

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  4. (((Hugs)))

    ♥Juanito♥ Im so sorry

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  5. Lots of {{{HUGS}}} Thinking of you and your precious <3 Juanito <3

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  6. Thinking of all of you, especially today & tomorrow, and praying that the Lord will send comfort to your hearts. God bless you....xoxoxo

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  7. I'm so sorry that Juanito isn't here to celebrate his 1st birthday in your arms. I wish things were different for all of us, but I know your boy is so proud of you and all the beautiful things you do for grieving parents. Juanito's birthday cupcake is now up at Calvin's Cupcakes - I hope you like it. ((hugs))

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